Welcome Guest. Please Login or Register. Nov 22, 2009, 7:47pm
BeauxBatons Acadamy Information Centre
Beauxbatons has finally re-opened and we would like to welcome back all returning students and welcome all new students. The welcome is also extended to staff and teachers as we are looking forward to their return as well. We are now in our third term and classes are to begin as well as extra ciricular activities. Welcome!
Aunt Karens Moral « Result #1 on Mar 25, 2009, 12:37am »
The teacher gave her fifth grade class an assignment... Get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it.
The next day the kids came back and one by one began to tell their stories.
Ashley said, "My father's a farmer and we have a lot of egg-laying hens.
One time we were taking our eggs to market in a basket on the front seat of the car when we hit a big bump in the road and all the eggs went flying and broke and made a mess."
"What's the moral of the story?" asked the teacher.
"Don't put all your eggs in one basket!"
"Very good," said the teacher.
Next little Sarah raised her hand and said, "Our family are farmers too. But we raise chickens for the meat market.
We had a dozen eggs one time, but when they hatched we only got ten live chicks, and the moral to this story is, "don't count your chickens before they're hatched."
"That was a fine story Sarah. Michael, do you have a story to share?"
"Yes, my daddy told me this story about my Aunt Karen.
Aunt Karen was a flight engineer in the Gulf War and her plane was hit.
She had to bail out over enemy territory and all she had was a bottle of whisky, a machine gun and a machete.
She drank the whisky on the way down so it wouldn't break and then she landed right in the middle of 100 enemy troops.
She killed seventy of them with the machine gun until she ran out of bullets.
Then she killed twenty more with the machete until the blade broke. Then she killed the last ten with her bare hands."
"Good heavens," said the horrified teacher, "what kind of moral did your daddy tell you from that horrible story?"
"Stay the f#ck away from Aunt Karen when she's been drinking"
Trip To Europe « Result #2 on Mar 25, 2009, 12:36am »
A beautiful young New York woman was so depressed that she decided to end her life by throwing herself into the ocean. But just before she could throw herself from the docks, a handsome young sailor stopped her.
"You have so much to live for," said the sailor. "Look, I¡¯m off to Europe tomorrow and I can stow you away on my ship. I¡¯ll take care of you, bring you food every day, and keep you happy."
With nothing to lose, combined with the fact that she had always wanted to go to Europe, the woman accepted. That night the sailor brought her aboard and hid her in a lifeboat. From then on, every night he would bring her three sandwiches and make love to her until dawn.
Three weeks later she was discovered by the captain during a routine inspection.
"What are you doing here?" asked the captain.
"I have an arrangement with one of the sailors," she replied. "He brings me food and I get a free trip to Europe. Plus he¡¯s screwing me."
"He certainly is," replied the captain. "This is the Staten Island Ferry".
Religious Tits « Result #3 on Mar 24, 2009, 11:03pm »
A man walked into the ladies department of a Macy's, one of the largest department store chains. He shyly walked up to the woman behind the counter and said. 'I'd like to buy a bra for my wife'
'What type of bra?' asked the clerk.
'Type?' inquires the man 'There is more than one type?'
'Look Around,' said the saleslady, as she showed a sea of bras in every shape, size color and material.
'Actually, even with all of this variety, there are really only three types of bras,' replied the salesclerk.
Confused, the man asked what were the types.
The saleslady replied 'The Catholic type, the, Salvation Army type, and the Baptist type. Which one do you need?'
Still confused the man asked 'What is the difference between them?'
The lady responded 'It is all really quite simple. The Catholic type supports the masses, the Salvation Army type lifts up the fallen, and the and the Baptist type makes mountains out of mole hills.
Some Marriages Insights « Result #4 on Mar 24, 2009, 11:03pm »
My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way. -- Henny Youngman
My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met. -- Rodney Dangerfield
A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong. -- Milton Berle
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury. -- George Burns
What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband? About 30 pounds. -- Cindy Garner
I bought my wife a new car. She called and said, "There was water in the carburetor." I said, "Where's the car?" She said, "In the lake." -- Henny Youngman
Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight. -- Phyllis Diller
The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret. -- Henny Youngman
People are always asking couples whose marriages have endured at least a quarter of a century for their secret for success. Actually, it is no secret at all. I am a forgiving woman. Long ago, I forgave my husband for not being Paul Newman. -- Erma Bombeck
After a quarrel, a wife said to her husband, "You know, I was a fool when I married you." The husband replied, "Yes, dear, but I was in love and didn't notice."
When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.
I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months - I don't like to interrupt her.
My girlfriend told me I should be more affectionate. So I got two girlfriends.
A man said his credit card was stolen but he decided not to report it because the thief was spending less than his wife did.
Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are beautiful.
Mrs. Liu was a peasant. The driver of the BMW, Su Xiuwen, is the wife of a businessman. The initial scrape was minor, but after a confrontation, Mrs. Su drove the car into Mrs. Liu.
And that would have ended it, except for two things. First, the "BMW case" tapped into sharp class resentments emerging in this Communist country, which long espoused a classless society. And second, that anger was able to coalesce in what is becoming an increasingly influential court of appeals in China: the Internet, which boiled with online outrage.
This week, in a rare step, officials here announced an investigation into possible judicial corruption in the case, state media reported. There is already speculation that Mrs. Su could face a harsher verdict, a result that would appease the online critics but could also set an uneasy precedent for reformers trying to establish a genuine rule of law in China.
That yawning gap is a fundamental contradiction of China's economic boom. Wealth is pouring in, swelling the middle class, yet hundreds of millions still live in poverty.
Here in the northeast, once the country's industrial center but now mired in unemployment, it is not hard to find class bitterness rubbed raw by the case. "We ordinary people have to obey the laws," said a taxi driver. Mrs. Su, he said, does not: "She has the power. She has the privilege. She can drive wildly."
Initially, the accident barely attracted attention outside Harbin.
Then, after bystanders intervened, she returned to the car, apparently to back up. But she unexpectedly drove forward, crushing Mrs. Liu and injuring several others. The car crashed to a halt against a tree.
"My wife was dragged for six or seven meters," Mr. Dai said. He said he tried to lift her right arm but it was broken. He saw blood coming out of her mouth. "People said she was already dead," he recalled. "I was just dumbfounded."
The question at trial was whether Mrs. Su had intentionally tried to harm Mrs. Liu or had simply mistakenly put the car into first gear instead of reverse. The trial was notable for its lack of eyewitnesses, though many saw the incident.
One of them was Mr. Dai, who said he had received almost $10,000, roughly eight years' wages. He said he did not even attend the trial. "I just want peace for my family," a weary Mr. Dai said as one of his two daughters listened. "I don't care about the verdict and whether it is justice or not."
But China's "netcitizens" cared very much. Editors at Sina.com, the country's most popular Web site, said that after the verdict, more than 200,000 messages were posted to chat rooms, many suggesting corruption was to blame.
"harry potter is a popular title among some of the detainee population," said the librarian, a civilian contractor identified only as "lorie" who works at the prison camp for foreign terrorism suspects at the u.s. naval base in cuba.
lorie said the popularity of the best-selling harry potter books, which recount the adventures of a boy wizard as he triumphs over the powers of evil, was matched only by the prisoners' passion for agatha christie.
but even this remote prison has not escaped the world-wide frenzy over the escapades of harry potter and his friends at the hogwarts school of wizardry and witchcraft. the sixth book in the series by author j.k. rowling, which went on sale last month, is the fastest-selling book of all time.
"one prisoner has requested the movies," she said.
asked what other books were among the prisoners' favorites, lorie said, "we have 12 different agatha christie titles in arabic that are very popular. also 1001 arabian nights."
"harry potter is a popular title among some of the detainee population," said the librarian, a civilian contractor identified only as "lorie" who works at the prison camp for foreign terrorism suspects at the u.s. naval base in cuba.
lorie said the popularity of the best-selling harry potter books, which recount the adventures of a boy wizard as he triumphs over the powers of evil, was matched only by the prisoners' passion for agatha christie.
but even this remote prison has not escaped the world-wide frenzy over the escapades of harry potter and his friends at the hogwarts school of wizardry and witchcraft. the sixth book in the series by author j.k. rowling, which went on sale last month, is the fastest-selling book of all time.
"one prisoner has requested the movies," she said.
asked what other books were among the prisoners' favorites, lorie said, "we have 12 different agatha christie titles in arabic that are very popular. also 1001 arabian nights."
Re: First Transfiguration Class « Result #8 on Nov 1, 2007, 6:17am »
Quote:
Damien slipped into the back of the room and sat down with his wand on his desk. He was late. He knew it. He also knew he didn't have an excuse, so he wasn't going to stand around suttering and pretending to have one.
He glanced around him and saw what the other students we're doing. Pretty basic spell. He looked at the mouse that was now sitting infront of him and picked up his wand.
He gentle proded the mouse with the tip of his wand to see if it was alive. Judging by the squeek the poor creature emitted, it was still alive.
Damien swished his wand and mumbled "feraverto" under his breath. The mouse quickly became a goblet. Damien looked at the thing and sighed. He rather hated the fact that they we're transforming living things into inatiment objects. The part of heven vaguely resembling animal cruelty, and this would fall into that categorie.
![[Home]](http://i10.photobucket.com/albums/a137/kaiteisruleingu/Katieisruleingu/home.gif)
![[Help]](http://i10.photobucket.com/albums/a137/kaiteisruleingu/Katieisruleingu/help.gif)
![[Search]](http://i10.photobucket.com/albums/a137/kaiteisruleingu/Katieisruleingu/search.gif)
![[Login]](http://i10.photobucket.com/albums/a137/kaiteisruleingu/Katieisruleingu/login.gif)
![[Register]](http://i10.photobucket.com/albums/a137/kaiteisruleingu/Katieisruleingu/signup.gif)
![[Search This Thread]](http://s4.images.proboards.com/search2.gif)
![[Reply]](http://s4.images.proboards.com/buttons/reply.gif)
![[Send Topic To Friend]](http://s4.images.proboards.com/buttons/sendtopic.gif)
![[Print]](http://s4.images.proboards.com/buttons/print.gif)
Author
![[Quote]](http://s4.images.proboards.com/buttons/quote.gif)
Logged
Author